I am finding that the more consumed I am with myself, the more depressed I become. How does my auto-preoccupation manifest itself? Probably in many of the same ways yours does: uncertainties about what others think of ME, concerns about MY physical inadequacies, worries about MY future, comparisons with others who are superior to ME in some aspect of their life. Yuck! It makes me nauseous to think about how much I think about MYSELF!!
But even as I reach for the Pepto-Bismol, I have to pause and ask myself why this kind of ego-centrism makes me want to vomit. Afterall, isn’t life about self-gratification? Why wouldn’t it make me happy to do whatever makes me happy? If the advertisers and media gurus of this age have any wisdom to offer me at all, I should be thinking MORE about my own needs and desires, not LESS! I need to FIND myself, to figure out who I really am and what makes me tick so that I can be of some VALUE to this world.
Not surprisingly, the words of Jesus don’t fit well with a world characterized by auto-preoccupation. In the gospel of Mark, chapter 8, he scandalously calls his followers to a life characterized by auto-amnesia:
If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?
The key, according to Jesus, is to forget about yourself. Stop caring about what others think. Stop fretting about your appearance. Stop worrying about your future. Stop comparing yourself to others. The problem is that this is way easier said than done. Auto-preoccupation is entirely natural and highly encouraged in my neighborhood. Auto-amnesia is just plain extra-terrestrial. Who lives that way? Who thinks that way? What planet does Jesus think we’re on?
Back to the Pepto-Bismol. As normal as it may be, there is something sickening about ego-centrism. If we are honest with ourselves, the vast majority of us must admit that we suffer from the disease chronically. And if things are out of whack with us emotionally, pyschologically and maybe even physically, the Bible would seem to say: well duh! You weren’t meant to live with yourself at the center of your life!
So, if we buy into Jesus’ scandalous idea that denying self rather than indulging self, forgetting self rather than concentrating on self, losing self rather than trying with all our might to find self actually leads us to what we have been yearning for all along, how do we make the shift? How do we take up our cross and follow?
Having worked my way up to this crescendo, I want to apologize for the fact that I don’t have any easy aswers to the question. I feel like I am only beginning to see evidences of a shift from auto-preoccupation to auto-amnesia in my life. But, I can pass on a few beginner tricks that I’ve picked up so far.
First, I find that the more time I spend being occupied with the Lord in His Word and in prayer, the less occupied I am with myself through the course of the day. Nothing too earth-shattering there. The challenge, as we all know, is DOING IT!!
Second, I find that the more I look out for and celebrate the God-given qualities that can be observed in others (believers and unbelievers), the less I compare myself in unhealthy and self-centered ways to others.
Third, I find that the less I talk to others about my future plans and projects, and the more I entrust my next steps to the Lord in prayer, the less concerned I am about my future.
Fourth, I find that the more time I spend with people who don’t have very much, the more satisfied I am with what I have, and the less interested I am in having EVERYTHING that my next-door-neighbor has.
I imagine that some of you have found tricks that help you to “get lost” as well. I’d love for you to post them as comments to this blog so that we can all benefit from the wisdom that you have found.
